I decided to be the adult when it came down to the problems with my literary magazine staff....... I mean someone had too, and since I am 25 and managing editor, I figured that someone needed to be me. I apologized to those I probably pissed off the most, and ironically these were the same people who worked the hardest on the magazine, and I ignored that because of my personal agenda and bitterness. I still feel wronged in some way, but I feel that I am one of the reasons I feel that way. I should not have invested so much of my energy into getting myself in the literary magazine, instead I should have focused on making the magazine great in itself. That was my biggest mistake.

I am fairly insecure about my artwork and music, and a little scared that I have thrown all my career and future eggs in those baskets. And I think that is what led me to be more bitter about the whole artwork left out of the lit mag thing. I need to get used to the fact that not everyone is even going to be okay with my artwork, they are going to passionately hate what I am doing..... and I just need to deal with it and not look at it as some personal attack. That being said I hope I can meet exceptional, humble, and mature artists to share ideas with.

On a more positive note, I am doing a showing in January with Proxart, a local up and coming music/art production group. They are really great people and I look forward to working with them. I also hope to have a show in Chinatown soon...... I would be showing with other artists at both events which is something I prefer anyways, because I would prefer to celebrate art with other talented artists..... I wouldn't want a whole show to myself, at least for now.

I just wrote a short story sized part of this blog about a girl and then erased because it is way to soon to be writing about girls that I just met, it may look desperate(which I am not), it may look like I am lonely(which I am) to even be writing this. But I wrote it and erased it because I guess I needed to visually see what I was thinking and feeling. I will say this about her.... she is one of those exceptional artists I was writing about before, the kind of person who is really talented in all of her crafts and disciplines..... but she doesn't act like it. That in itself, is quite refreshing.

I used to be a basketball player.....

I am returning to the hardwood floor after about a year of not playing the game which I devoted so much of my earlier years towards. I suffered a fairly severe bone bruise around this time last year in my right foot that forced me to stop playing and I never got back for some reason.... mostly laziness I suppose. But now I am going to be playing on an adult team again, hopefully on a team where I can be a true role player 3rd option type. My whole basketball career(save high school for obvious "Hallman" reasons) I have been the 1st or 2nd option on almost every team I have played on, with mixed results. I am sure that sounds like I am good, or was good, and I was for a time. I used to be a Lamar Odom "do everything type" kind of guy and for my size I was fairly quick and good with the ball similar to LO so anyone that knows basketball knows that kind of game is more suited for a 3rd option role similar to how LO is playing with the Lakers now and last season. Me and Odom have one thing in common, we are good at a lot of different things but not great at any of them. I am a good rebounder, good scorer, good passer, ok ball handler, ok defender, ok outside shooter, but I have never really been great at any of them. I guess that is why Lamar has always been one of my favorite players if not my favorite.

So all this about my personal basketball skills is basically me being excited about playing again, and looking forward to having that role of being the guy who does a little bit of everything to help the team win while the better players are doing most of the scoring and playmaking. It is going to take a few months of pretty hard training to get back into playing shape, I am starting today at 5:00 hitting the weights and running. Long distance running starts on Monday along with actual basketball training, practicing and playing pick up games during the week.

I am also looking forward to getting back into shape for my general health. I have recently gone straight edge and that was a big step for me, so I figured its time to finish it off by eating healthy and using sports as a way to live healthy in general.

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens

Jimi Hendrix was a wise man when he said the quote that titles this blog. Even though I think he spoke more with his guitar than really listened. But maybe he did listen and used what he heard when playing music........ either way it is safe to say whatever he did worked out pretty good.

I have noticed a lot of people have been speaking to me but no one really listening. One person who is definitely listening is Mr. Kornfeld, I have to give my good friend and first blog watcher a shout out for just listening instead of speaking..... or rather he was doing both, which makes him knowledgeable and wise I suppose.

A big pet peeve to me are people who do in fact feel the constant urge to speak their knowledge(which is almost all the time stupid trivia masquerading as knowledge) and use their "knowledge" not only as a crutch but as a bludgeon for the wise. I am not saying I am a terribly wise man. In reality I catch myself doing the very same thing I hate from time to time, but for the most part I try not to use my stupid trivia as a crutch I can safely say that I never use what I do know as a way to attack someone or make someone feel stupid.

I think Bob Dylan said it best when he said what do we really know? And there are different definitions for the word know..... like NO and know and KNOW. Basically most of us really know nothing, nothing of extreme importance anyways. I don't KNOW anyone who KNOWS how to cure cancer, or figure out our failing economy, or how to make cars that run on water. And the people that do know those kind of things aren't running around like fools saying they do so they can say that they do.

I have a been serious visual artist for almost a year and the art world, at least the art world in my corner of the world, could be the most obvious culprits of my points previously written. The pretentious, ex-emo kid, know it all, insecure babble that comes out of some of these people are both depressing and laughable. Depressing in the sense that even though almost all of me seeks criticism, know matter how harsh, can still hurt a little when it comes to my art work. Especially when it is obvious to me the attacks are not even about my work or my skill but about me and my character. And it is laughable because it is hard not to see it that way a little bit when these walking art cliches do nothing but talk about their art backgrounds(as if this makes them some renowned art experts), how hard life is in upper middle class suburbia and of course, stupid trivia.

Being an ex basketball player and current basketball coach, I understand a thing or two about the nature of competition. And what I can tell you is that competition need not exsist in the art world. I know the American motto is to compete in all facets of life, but I say we try to make an exception here. A great thing about art is that their is no bad art, or no bad artists. I may not like an artist or some art works, that does not mean it is bad, it just means it is not my cup of tea. I have been doing this art thing for less than a year so obviously I have a lot to learn here. I used to be the jock/music guy who in art and photo class would do enough to get by but never really loved it the way I do now. That being said, someone who took art very seriously through out their lives does not put them on a pedastool to attack ME(attack my art all you want, like I said before, I feel if you aren't getting criticized than you are doing something wrong not right)

I may sound bitter and overly angry, but it gets frustrating when the narrow-minded disrespect me so. I am known as a man who lets the world roll of his back, but when I am surrounded my vindictive and emotionally shallow people who try to tear me down near daily.... it is hard not to respond in the way I have.

This is one of many aspects/reasons/things that have caused me to question the goodness of the human spirit, and as a result, I haven't been that happy lately. This makes me lonely, because the list of good people I know seems to growing shorter instead of longer. I find this difficult to bear, I used to be a person who believed that most people were good and decent.

Apparently my naivete is wearing thin.....


What I am listening to right now:
Radiohead

a little update

So I think I am pretty close to taking a break with art after I complete a few more pieces, besides school work of course. Painting has become an obsession and religion for me, but I have learned recently it is good to take a step back and take some time off, maybe too learn some new techniques, or to draw inspiration, or not to get to overwhelmed or burnt out. I think the reason why I want to take a little break is because of a combination of all those reasons. I don't want to get too comfortable with the techniques and applications so I can continue to grow and try new things. Secondly I want to find new sources of inspiration, and I think that involves really sitting back and just listening and observing what is around you. And finally I don't want to over work myself to the point that this stops becoming fun for me.

So I am going to finish up this series of paintings and then focus on trying to promote and show them, and hopefully finally sell a few of them. I will be still doing school work and if those works turn out well than I will show them too I guess.

I encourage you to check out www.myspace.com/zacharyhillart and check out the work. And please feel free to comment or write me about everything and anything. Writing these little blogs and talking to people online helps maintain the sanity.

Thanks for reading

Zach

www.myspace.com/zacharyhillart

To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong

So its been an amazing roller coaster like week and half or so. I have been fairly pleased with some of the works I have produced during this time span. I have actually sold some paintings! 4 now to be exact, and at the same time I submitted 5 works to my schools literary arts magazine and one was selected for publication but barely on a tie breaker within the staff. Another one lost a tie breaker and the other three were voted against pretty heavily, one even was unanimously voted down. At first I was a little bummed about how the works were seen in a negative light. But it just so happened that the one that was completely shut down by the lit mag staff was a piece I sold for a fairly high price(at least for me). That experience and irony reminded me and taught me how subjective art can be..... "one person's trash is another person's treasure." My art is influenced by northern European abstract and contemporary techniques, so that might mean I am going against the wind a bit, being in California, when I am trying to show my work. But what is most important is that each finished work is my personal treasure. Art along with music, has become my religion of sorts. The title of this blog/journal means to me is that basically I have to be happy with my art and music.... regardless of the thoughts and hearts of others. No matter what it has been a great journey so far and I look forward to continuing it!

www.myspace.com/zacharyhillart

www.myspace.com/zacharyhillart

Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence

The title of this blog is a quote from Robert Fripp. I can never get enough of a good quote. I will usually have a quote as a title to one of these, I supposed its a way to try and look clever without really trying.... I imagine that in itself is clever.

I digress..... I have officially decided to swear off hard liquor, as much as I enjoyed a good glass of scotch or whiskey or shooting a jager bomb, I have come to the obvious conclusion that this practice is hard on the head, stomach, and wallet. Therefore I haved decided most of my alcohol consumption will be from a bottle of wine. I have acquired a great taste for wine and it has surpassed beer and liqour.

I am a wineo

What I am listening too right now

I drown myself in music..... creating music is one of my greatest passions. I am definitely one of those cliche people that is obsessed with music to the point that music influences everything I do and am from my art to even the way I walk and talk.

Therefore it is only natural to make my first blog based on what I am listening too right now. And naturally I have to update this one often to make sure it is always "what I am listening too right now".

First we have to start with the all time top 5. All of my mixes will have at least one of these 5 bands or artists in the fold.

1. Bob Dylan
2. Radiohead
3. The Beatles
4. The Jimi Hendrix Experience
5. The Black Keys

Now to the top 5 bands or artists I am listening to currently, these ones will be in my most current mixed cd's

1. Stereolab
2. Iron and Wine
3. Beirut
4. Beck
5. Incredible String Band

If you haven't heard of any of the fore mentioned artists, I highly suggest you take a gander.... I promise they will do you no wrong.